Father Dogmas wishes you a very merry Christmas, with lots of biscuits and bones.

You’ve all been good little puppies I hope

If you have been naughty, you might open a present and get a surprise.

It’s about time you opened your presents! Bring me my tunas!

Father Dogmas’s little helper won’t wear a hat or socks, but he will consent to allow them nearby.

They don’t fit and I’m not fat

And at the end of a long day, Father Dogmas will take off his cape and lie down on his soft bed, accompanied by a fictitious dog in a green Christmas sweatshirt.

Don’t make me do this again, OK?